Do You Have Botox Friends?

We access the probability by profession.
Meaningless ListsJuly 24, 2019
Botox or Botulinum toxin for cosmetic purposes has been in main-stream use since the late ’90s, and while the procedure of sticking a bit of poison in your face in the name of eliminating wrinkles seemed exotic when it first came on the scene, the rise of social media and the need to look ageless has destigmatized the procedure to a great degree.

Botox is now administered to millions globally every year, but it’s also good to note that beyond the popular use of making your face smooth and expressionless, botox also has close to 20 other medical applications!

But back to the question. Do you have Botox friends? We rate the probability by profession, and suggest what other uses they might have for the ‘tox:

So, is your friend…

A middle-aged mega-church pastor?

We understand that there is pressure for some inspirational preachers to look eternally youthful and unchanging in the face of believers – there is nothing more convincing than the physical evidence of the blessings of belief! And for proponents of the prosperity gospel, if living large is divine, then the cost of some Botox should be relatively nothing from the perspective of eternity.

Probability: Mid to high

Botox to infinity and beyond!
Also try it for… minimising underarm sweat stains for those physically vigorous, charismatic, hands-in-the-air moments.

A mid-career local artisté ?

Do you have a friend who is an Artisté or a Celebrity? Who is also a DJ, MC, involved in charities, and a brand ambassador? All those parties, those events that run late into the night will take its toll, and the appearance of crow’s feet can feel like the end of a career. Time to bring out the Botox! So we can continue to enjoy their likeness on Milo tins and on the back of buses in perpetuity.

Probability: High to very high

Botox to infinity and beyond!
Also try it for… Detrusor (bladder wall muscle) overactivity – then can go to the toilet less during events, maximising face and air time.

A tech entrepreneur getting into his 40s?

For those who are getting into the “tech” game later in life and want a slice of (fading) “disruptive” tech action, know that to get to free-flowing VC cash, abundant promises and youthful, high energy are the tricks that will win you funding – NOT looking old and wizened, having relevant experience, speaking logically or brandishing a sound business plan.

Probability: Low to mid

Botox to infinity and beyond!
Also try it for… Chronic migraine. Money always running out because not a unicorn?? Don’t worry, Botox can help with the pain in their head.

An aesthetics doctor of any age?

One of the great perks of being in the medical profession is the unlimited access to things like Botox. A quick jab before lunch, before a date, before meeting an attractive patient, before turning up to some luxury lifestyle event.

Probability: Definitely. We’re sure curiosity will get the better of them and they will try-try. In addition to that, they get the medication at a good rate from the pharmaceutical behemoths that sell this stuff. Cost price!

Botox to infinity and beyond!
Also try it for… Practical jokes. Seeing how doctors will probably know what adverse effects and complications will arise from a cheeky jab in an inappropriate place (or maybe they don’t!), we’re sure they poke each other, (un)professionally, for fun. Okay no, we don’t know this, but what a great thought, eh?

An entertainment lawyer who passed the bar in the mid ‘90s?

Singapore’s local entertainment business is relatively small, so it’s important that if you are an entertainment lawyer, you better get 100% of the market – If not how to eat? It must be hard to get a toe-hold in, and at some point it’s probably useful that one start to believe they are like their clients in order to get more work. Growing a viable business takes time, but aging is less than desired in these circles, so it’s important that entertainment lawyers pull out all the stops and prevent sagging for as long as possible – not just Botox, fillers, toupees, dental implants, and bimonthly laser facials are all needed.

Probability: Extra high

Botox to infinity and beyond!
Also try it for… Idiopathic rotational cervical dystonia (i.e. severe neck and shoulder muscle spasms). Being a lawyer is stressful, let alone an entertainment one! A jab of Botox for this condition may prevent the accidental, uncontrolled hitting of staff and relatives.

What other professions do you think will benefit from a bit of Botox? let us know at [email protected]

Because you’d like to
get out of your funk,
subscribe to JUNK.