9 Types of People You See at Fitness Fest

The only sport we're really good at is people-watching!
People-watchingMay 3, 2019
Have you even heard of Fitness Fest? If you haven’t, you should know that – once a year, for as low as $58 – you can participate in a day of “mass workouts”, “FitnessConcertTMs”, “Fitathons” and “fitness discovery”! Not only that, but if you’re one of the following people, those words actually sound fun!

The Braidy Bunch

When you want to keep your hair out of your face while you work out, but also want to look cute (and a little bit extra) while you’re doing it… the answer is braids! We see you, Braidy Bunch. You girls are the overachieving students of this group. Because if you’ve managed to show up at the Marina Bay Sands Convention Centre this early on a Saturday morning, and you had time to get cute in the morning, then, ugh, you’re probably doing everything else well, too. Whatever.

Regularly spotted at: Barre, Bootcamp

The Fake-spos

HOWEVER. If you’re sporting braids but not sweating, or wearing really stupid shoes like Supergas or any of those ironic Air Max re-releases… then you are a FAKE-SPO! Don’t lie! Those are walking shoes! Not workout shoes!

You can’t fool us – you are not here to work out, you are here to Instagram and eat Acai bowls. The heaviest thing you’ll lift today is the goodie bag and the muscle group that you’ll exercise the most are your fingers… Must. Hashtag. Every. Sponsor!

Regularly spotted at: Brunch

The Fit-Bro

One of our favourite comedians, Hirzi, has this joke about how Singaporean men are like prawns. Body you keep, head you throw away. We guess he was talking about the Fit-bros. Because thanks to a steady diet of protein shakes, high-protein bowls (we don’t call them low-carb salads when they’re ordered by MEN), YouTube how-to videos and countless hours doing repetitive motions at the gym… Fit-Bros have really jacked bodies! Wow! Those wide shoulders! Those defined pecs! Those sculpted arms! For sure got abs!

But the head you throw away, lah.

Regularly spotted at: Crossfit, the free weights section, the queue at Daily Cut

The Good Sport

Awwww. Nothing says “LOVE” like waking up early on a Saturday to accompany your girlfriend on her personal fitness journey. The Good Sports are basically great boyfriends – they put their game faces on and show up to do aerial yoga or barre sessions with their ladies, no matter how silly they feel as they “plié, relevé, tendu” like 5 year-old girls at their first ballet class. She may be the one with goals, but they have goodness in their heart.

Regularly spotted at: Wherever she drags them to next

The Professionals

Wears a track suit. Exudes strength. Has a name tag on. Avoid at all costs unless you actually want to sign up for a gym.

Regularly spotted at: Brand-name gyms

The Fitty-Somethings

You know how most people reach their peak in their mid-20s and then it’s just thickening waistlines from there until death? Not so for the Fitty-Somethings! These women (thanks to the patriarchy, they are usually women) are GOALS. They defy logic, they defy the ravages of time, they also defy gravity. We just wanna look that good in a sports bra right now, let alone at that age.

Regularly spotted at: Yoga, pilates, Les Mills group workouts

The Health Nuts

The Health Nuts are sort of like the Fake-spos because they’re not really here to work out. But while the Fake-spos are all about the ‘gram, the Health Nuts are more about the experience. They got all the props, they’ve got the right clothes, and they at least arrived with the right spirit.

Buuuuut when push comes to push-up, they’re probably going to sit with their caffeine-free tea and talk most of the time. In short, they’re the kind of people who like the idea of health and actually spend a lot on it but then also don’t really care about results, because they just want to feel like they’re doing something. It doesn’t make sense and is probably a waste of money, but whatever makes you feel good, right?

Regularly spotted at: Detox retreats, meditation classes, Reiki sessions

The Supers

Super strong. Super lean. Super flexible. Any of these, or worse, all at the same time. Makes everyone else feel super uncomfortable with their bodies. Sigh.

Regularly spotted on: Our Instagram feeds.

The Try Guys & Gals

Also known as – the rest of us! Average people, just hoping to get a little bit fitter or stronger or whatever. We don’t stand out in any way from this crowd but also, the fitness industry would not exist without us? Let’s give ourselves credit for that, and for the simple act of TRYING very hard to do things that the Supers (see above) make look very easy. It’s ok. We came. We put on our crappy workout clothes. And we legit tried. Maybe our soul left our bodies in the process but hey, we’ll be back, and trying harder next time.

Regularly spotted: Literally everywhere.

Hungry for more more people-watching? Check out our coverage of people you see at art fairs and boutique fairs!

Because nothing makes sense anymore, subscribe to JUNK.