All About the D’ (Condo Edition)

Would this condo naming trend please d'ie?
by JUNK
Cultural MemesFebruary 17, 2019
Singapore’s long affinity with using “D’” to name any and every thing can be assumed to be a lazy linguistic device that is used to elevate the associated noun with a French “je ne sais quoi”. And when it comes to appropriating Europeanness as a means to approximate class, no one is more guilty than desperate private condo developers! But actually… listen here, kids: D’ is a contraction of the preposition de, meaning “of; from”. Which is awkward because it means none of it makes any sense, but who gives a shit, right, as long as you are fooled and feel high SES?!? So here we go with a survey of the best of a silly lot!

D'Oasia

A portmanteau of Oasis and Asia. Daft word, but it kind of works, apart from the fact we are no where near a D’esert.

D'Almira

We can see how someone might have thought this sounded elegant, European and aspirational. But it also sounds like a bad foreign language B-movie about Goths and vampires. Very Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. (Or it’s porno parody.)

De Royale

“I’d like to order De Royale… with cheese!”

D'Sunrise

Silly name aside, they could have at least put a small, cheery sun in the sign to counter the dreariness of this cookie cutter condo in the East, no? Helvetica has its use, but not here.

D’Pavilion

Naming your whole development after a secondary, GFA-free structure is… curious, to say the least. Have they forgotten about D’Apartment Building, D’ Pool and D’ Guardhouse?

D’Ixoras

A “what the fuck” name for a condo! Firstly, too many people will look at it and think its D’IXORAS, and assume it’s a swish atas rework of the name of a local flower. Which makes some sort of sense… (You know the red flower you can suck the sweet bit off the stigma? Try it if you spy any while waiting to cross the street the next time.)

Then you realise it’s actually D’LXORAS and it means absolutely nothing apart from trying to sound like a city in Egypt.

Secondly, it’s like want to be atas but then use some cheap-looking, super-generic geometric sans serif font – which further confuses the whole “Capital-i? Or lowercase-l?” situation. Even the property’s agents can’t get it right.

One big shitstorm of fails across the board.

D’Evelyn

Evelyn Road so… D’Evelyn, lor. This kind of name is a total fake out and potential buyers should be warned. Because it sounds like it’s aspiring to something grand, but actually indicates how the planning committee either had no imagination or basically gave no fucks. Both of which don’t bode well for a lovely, well-considered home.

D’Leedon

See D’Evelyn but even sadder because they bothered to hire Zaha Hadid – the “starchitect” (urks) who designed this pseudo-futuristic, wobbly, Leedon Heights condo – but didn’t bother to name it anything more exciting than “D’Leedon”.

That being said… compared to the other cockanaden names here, it rolls of the tongue fairly smoothly.

D’Kenaris

Almost sounds like a local swear word… served with a slice of panache!

D'Hillside Loft

Yeeeesh. Imagine how stupid you’d sound giving this address to taxi/Grab drivers. That’s one reason to avoid. Second is the cringe-worthy signage, which only recalls a sad third-tier city airport food court stall.

D'Grove Villas

Barely, just barely an improvement over D’Hillside Loft – if only because the name makes a more obvious reference to the condo’s location on Orange Grove Road. But that also makes it less imaginative. Again suffers from really crappy signage – c’mon guys, readability?

There’s also something really funny about the fact that D’ is such a trope that these developers elevated it into a design element for their logo. Or maybe that’s really sad. Can’t decide.

D' Ecosia

All things considered, this has to be one of the stronger names in this group.

D'Dalvey

See D’Evelyn and D’Leedon but with the added bonus of a stutter.

D’Chateau

Totally shameless (and borderline depressing). A château is a “manor house or residence of the lord of the manor or a country house of nobility or gentry, with or without fortifications”. This is not a manor house. It’s a cramped condo for middle-class Singaporeans, with troughs of water for pools and a tiny gym with only one treadmill and one rack of dumbbells. Compared to a French chateau, it’s practically a dormitory for workers.

D'Cambridge

Aiyoh, so salah. JUST BECAUSE IT’S ON CAMBRIDGE ROAD… ah, forget it. It’s just ironic because now it’s clear that it was named by someone who never studied there. Also the aesthetics of the signage, combined with the name, kind of makes it look like a tuition centre.

D’Banyan

Beware of the allusion to high end-resorts, This is not the high end version of Banyan Tree. They put the D’ in front to fool you one.

Cote D’Azur

The only condo on the list to actually have a real name, but does not escape being godawful because Marine Parade is not the fucking French Rivera, dammit! Get over it! Would be particularly embarrassing if you have to give your French friend your mailing address. Will raise eyebrows and trigger stifled laugher. Actually all the names here will probably do so, but this one really quite awks.

See any D’s we missed? Send them to us at [email protected]

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