How To Be A Crazy Fake Rich Asian

Why make it when you can fake it?
by JUNK
ExperimentsAugust 10, 2018
Crazy Rich Asians are taking over the world. We’re not just talking about the best-selling book and its hotly anticipated movie adaptation, we’re talking about how it is literally the age of the real-life crazy rich Asian. The Jack Mas, Arissa Cheos and Mittal clans of the world. They’re taking over social media, reality TV, and even the global economy. But what about us Asians of the non-crazy, non-rich variety? Barring the lottery or an advantageous marriage, there’s no shortcut to becoming crazy rich, so…
WHAT IF WE JUST FAKED IT INSTEAD?

If there’s anything we learned from Daryl Aiden, it’s that you can be anyone and do anything on social media. So even if we don’t have the actual cash to live a life as flash as Jamie Chua, Kim Lim, Chryseis Tan, etc – we can fake it till we make it instead.

#1: FAKE YOUR CRAZY RICH RIDE(S)

Photo taken with the PORSCHE DESIGN HUAWEI Mate RS

 

1. Find your inspiration. (Source: Instagram/@chrystan_x)

2. Buy some toy cars.

3. Buy some model trees and bushes. (Available at Art Friend)

4. Plant your fake trees in some green tea.

5. Assemble some landscape borders out of cotton wool, green tea and cardboard.

6. Plant your model bushes.

7. Print out a pavement texture.

8. Cut away any excess paper.

9. Line up your "luxury car" collection and attach them to pavement with double-sided tape.

10. Migrate your set outside for a photo opportunity. Tip: bokeh the shit out of your background to mask the uncanny smallness of your cars.

CRAZY FAKE RICH COST: $66.50

CRAZY RICH COST: an estimated $6 million

 

TA-DA! Your collection of luxury cars is now ready for Instagram.

#2: FAKE YOUR CRAZY RICH HERMES LIFE

Photo taken with the PORSCHE DESIGN HUAWEI Mate RS

 

1. Find your inspiration. (Source: Instagram/@hewearslouboutin)

2. Collect a bunch of cardboard boxes. Wrap each in orange paper.

3. Add black trim to the top of each box with black marker.

4. Stack up your boxes in a vague Christmas tree-ish shape. You can photoshop the Hermes logo on later.

CRAZY FAKE RICH COST: $22.31

CRAZY RICH COST: anywhere from $50k to $100k

 

KA-CHING! Now you have the most absurdly fancy upcycled Christmas tree to make all your followers drool with envy.

#3: FAKE YOUR CRAZY RICH NIGHT OUT

Photo taken with the PORSCHE DESIGN HUAWEI Mate RS

 

1. Find your inspiration (Source: Instagram/@richkidsofsingapore)

2. Gather supplies – acrylic paint, gold leaf lustre dust, etc.

3. You need a 3D printer, too. Don't buy one, just ask a friend (or a friend of a friend of a friend).

4. After 3D printing your mini tub, sandpaper it smooth.

5. Spray it a glossy white.

6. Time for champagne! Buy some miniature bottles (from a miniature shop or toy store). Spray paint them white for a clean base.

7. Paint the bottles green. Paint the necks of each bottle with gold lustre dust paint.

8. Add mini Moet labels and finish with a dab of red acrylic paint for the seal.

9. Throw the bottles in the tub... It's time to get lit!

CRAZY FAKE RICH COST: $43.10

CRAZY RICH COST: about $16,000

 

SO EASY! Now you’re ready to show social media what a #baller you are.

#4: FAKE YOUR CRAZY RICH HOLIDAY

Photo taken with the PORSCHE DESIGN HUAWEI Mate RS

 

1. Find your inspiration. (Source: Instagram/@ec24m)

2. Gather some white sheets, a black wig (if necessary), and some pillows.

3. Pester a friend into being your model.

4. Make him do the topless thing. Apply the wig (if necessary).

5. Now it's time to apply those Photoshop skills! Get rid of any unwanted background.

6. Rich people rely on slimming centres to be skinny. You have Photoshop.

7. Make "yourself" as beautiful as you want.

8. Apply to a stock image background. Because that is also what crazy rich people do!

CRAZY FAKE RICH COST: $7.40

CRAZY RICH COST: $9,000 a night

 

BINGO! Ready to upload with the caption: “Life can be so exhausting! So grateful for these little moments. #blessed”

All Crazy Fake Rich photos taken with a PORSCHE DESIGN HUAWEI Mate RS.

3D-models and miniatures created by @itchyhandsvan.

Feature image credits: Instagram/@mmxj, @ally.mukhriz, @kanelk_k, @yenskiboo; marxmae.com; Sanook.com; signatureweds.com; Town and Country; hdwallsbox.com.

Because you don’t know
what to be angry with today, subscribe to JUNK.